Friday, July 28, 2006

Reconnected

It appears that the problem that kept me offline has been resolved, and I am back. I have some things to update you folks on, and some things to catch up on. Hopefully in the next couple of days I will accomplish just that. In the time being, I have something else to catch up on. My wife will be home from work any minute now, and we haven't had too much time as of late. So I am remedying that this evening, and will be back to the rest of you shortly. Returning to blogging, and responding to some of you who e-mailed me in the interim. The latter will come first.

Many thanks to MC for informing folks as to what was going on with my computer. I will talk at you all shortly. In the meantime, enjoy your life, or something close to it.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Emily and Papa



Well, on the twentieth attempt or so (the first today) blogger finally decided I could share the picture. Here is a lazing around kind of view of life, or something close to it.

Something MC Would Appreciate



A horrible day in a rodent's life, or something close to it.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

A note about modesty.

Modesty, in the sense of ego or suppression thereof, is a tricky subject. I have noticed something about it recently that I'd never thought of before; it is a two-way street.

Modesty is like selflessness. To be selfless, you do not demand things for yourself, but you provide them to others. Modesty works the same way with respect. However, if someone were truly selfless, he would starve, so we must figure, since some people have been labeled selfless, there must be a reason they survive. I submit that it is because the people around him will allow him the things he needs in recognition to the fact that he does not ask for more, and few people, if any, would try to argue or deny him that, because of his good record of reasonability in what he deems rightfully his.

However, though I have never been considered modest, and have always been arrogant, egotistical, and a braggart, I have noticed that when I do stay silent about my capabilities, or ignore my victories, no one will reciprocate by acknowledging me. Maybe it is because they assume I am already pleased with myself and need no reassurance, but it fucking grates on me to hear the person I just defeated be praised while not one word passes as to my skill.

I've won thousands at poker, and not one of my friends or family is in the positives, and yet no one ever talks about how good a player I am. I've beaten 15 other players ten times in a row at Halo, and no one ever congratulated me. I won a multi-table tournament against live players in the casino, took $1,100 for first place, and neither the dealer, nor the runner-up, nor the pit boss who paid me my prize spoke one single word about having won after three hours of play with pure skill. I placed 2nd out of 953 players recently, winning 120 times my buy-in, and my poker mentor criticized the hand that set up my second place finish in lieu of winning.

I have tried recently to be more modest, to brag in jest only, to be self-confident but not a braggart, and in the time that I have been trying to do this I did not receive any acknowledgement or recognition from anyone, despite multiple victories and significat accomplishments in that period of time.

However, I considered the following:

Perhaps this is the case for everyone. Perhaps no one gets recognition or acknowledgement, let alone praise or admiration, that they do not give to themselves. Perhaps there is no reciprocation for the modest, perhaps they simply do not ever receive these things, and do not mind. Perhaps it is my mind which is warped, that I would not enjoy an anonymous victory. Perhaps I only defeat opponents because then people will know I was the victor. Perhaps if there were no notoriety to be gained, no reputation to be earned, I would not have a reason to win. Perhaps there isn't, and all the winning and defeating I've done in the past twenty years has all been a misguided, pointless attempt to fill the hole within me that craves admiration and recognition, at points causing me to demand that the most trivial details be highlighted to fulfil my need.

After completing this train of thought, something about the premise struck me. "Perhaps no one gets recognition or acknowledgement." Maybe this is both true and tragic. Perhaps other people desire these things and find themselves unsated, unslaked, just as I do, maybe not to such a psychotic extent, but in a more reasonable measure. If this is true, it would be like people with their god-myths declining sex before marriage: A bunch of horny-as-hell teenagers not giving each other what they need. As the enlightened understand, the obvious and most helpful course of action is to remove the barrier and have people fulfil each other's needs in a symbiotic and reciprocal way, so that everyone gets what they need without taking anything away from each other. That gave me a idea.

After dismissing an orgy with teenagers as illegal, I went with the next best option. I thought that maybe I should offer a testimonial to the people I know in person, who I know well, and give them the recognition and acknowledgement that they deserve. Perhaps that will satisfy their needs, and will give them a great feeling.

I resolve to do this soon. Due to chronological order of acquaintance, I will present Wanderer first with something along these lines, and then Lisa. And maybe people who we commonly know who do not necessarily read the blog, like Rockman and the Hammerchucker we all know and love. and maybe they will feel that they have finally gotten what they've earned.

Monday, July 17, 2006

StatCounter Fun

I was found by someone searching for "Social Butterfly Synonym". Somebody definitely ended up elsewhere than they were searching for.

And probably the most interesting thing yet that this program has shown me. Visitor Paths show me a visit from (Presidential Office Computer Department) Iran, Islamic Republic of. I suspect there was nothing of actual interest to the Iranian Government on my site, still, that was a surprising thing to run across during my bored perusal of those lists.

Just some of the odd statistics for life, or something close to it.

More Midnight Wanderings

Once again LAPaganChick has passed along some interesting insights. Check out How Long Must This Go On.

An interesting take on life, or something close to it.

Raising Hell

I must say that the combination of an angry outburst of mine and the lack of too many opportunities to get back on line definitely spurred quite the reaction. Perhaps a lesson in not writing things when you are angry and or tired. Or at least not publishing them until you have the chance to review them again.

I don't regret posting the previous post, even if some of the stuff put out there was a little less than sensible. I got too significant a reaction to regret having started it. I do regret that MC and Lisa both apparently feel I am laying some considerable blame on them. Lisa, I am sorry to have angered you as much as I apparently did. We will have to continue (and straighten out) this conversation offline sometime soon, when we have time to make sure we are not being misunderstood. MC, I would be sorry to have angered you, if I didn't do it so frequently that it was bound to happen.

I will clarify in regard to that previous post, though. Was I angry about something when I started writing it? Yes. I frequently am of late. Was I particularly angry about anything that I addressed? No. I think, if assumptions are put on hold for a moment, and those of you who know me look at it again, you will find that I was primarily engaging in some address at to the relevance of what I was writing. The hope being that people might respond as to whether they wanted me to continue in any of the elements of what I write about. I do see where the occasional comment within could be read as spurred by anger, rather than the self deprecating nature intended. Undoubtedly influenced, as I said, by the background state of mind at the time.

Still, all in all, I guess I shouldn't be too disappointed at having kicked the hornets nest. It is good to know that some of you are still willing to kick me when I get obnoxious. The latter is an occasionally inevitable part of life, or something close to it.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Tired and Rambling About Important Things

While I was a bit hostile in the last exchange, if he doesn't get it, seriously, I hope MC continues and stays up tonight, I really will continue. All the more important because I am still awake, and thus the hours will be long for me, so any conversation is worthwhile, at least as long as I don't feel that my intelligence is being insulted in the process, as is the case of my raised hostility in my last response. MC and I have weathered worse, but I think the rest of you need to understand that point.

While several conversations do ask of my response, and I will provide, here are a few points, some with minor consequences that I will provide:

The "Mother" posts will not stop. I can't help them.

The "White Wolf" posts probably will stop, even short of their originally intended beginning. Why? Because only one of you responds. Apologetically, I must admit, you are not one of the three of whom requested, and thus this was intended for. While I have yet to get to where I am, I will submit to base marketing strategy. If I don't get responses on my "White Wolf" posts that are present, I will conclude they are irrelevant to my audience and I will stop. I don't need them. I know where I am. I present them for discussion, and nobody appears to care.


The one alternative to the above is the answer to this: (even provided by the only regular responder, who himself doesn't care) somebody tell me what the dance is in that post so linked (under the side bar option "Archive of 'Mother' posts": "Lessons unlearned.")

Without address of what I am saying in general, or address to this specific piece, I waste my time. I will surf other blogs and desist here.

On a side note, regarding my surfing. I post links to what I think is good writing. I often follow on their post, but provide your thoughts on the posts where I link, so I know that you read them and what you thought.

In short: I aimed to interact with others in their belief systems and in mine. I have succeeded in the first and failed in the second. If you folks can't address me, and do so candidly as MC does well, then I am wasting my time. This site will become the occasional site of MC's fantastic poetry and short stories. I will simply engage elsewhere, where people are willing to engage their own thought processes without reciprocation. (Base, primary example for you casual readers? Look at my links on the sidebar, and look at who links back.)

It is clear (and acceptable, to a point, for me) that I am not a respected theologian within my own community. Hell, more of the Christians I link are willing to link back then my own community to whom I associate. This says I do more for them than I do for us. Why not abandon this then and engage online with them, keeping my theology relatively under wraps to my own brethren? Why not when they obviously don't care.

The masses I deal with that don't care don't bother me as much as he closer elements. The musical maverick who has hopped about, and whose title above belies the fact that I have heard none of her music, (Rather I have enjoyed only her personality on line, and her writing style, thus assuming her talent) has not associated with me. She is above me.

The wanderer of creative synonym who walks similar paths is impressed by her (the afore mentioned blogger) but not by me. Not for lack of contribution and option for track back.

In effect, I offer nothing. Chris Nelson once applauded my intellect in the spiritual realm, but then vanished. He served the time of my half of the "period of awaiting the child" and then he was gone. He made himself a good friend, but vanished without a trace soon after, nonetheless. Leaving my last option of reaching him vanished into the archives, the location of which I don't even know.

I link the wildhunt, but offer nothing of the caliber to rank attention there. My one main work being a drawn out, un-cohesive thesis in progress.

The aforementioned wanderer of a different pseudonym linker plenty of blogs with intriguin thoughts on Pagan paths, but left mine lacking, though I point to his.

Grey Owl also gave Kudos to me, but, while I make his stop a daily stop, he is not of my camp either.

In short, inside and outside of this blog, it is the christians and atheists that speak to me and not those of a similar path. Where are my similar minded individuals? I know you are out there, because I talk to you folks too.

Am I wasting my time out here? I began this for three of you. I continued for three of you, though two paid little attention. If none of the three of you can respond to this, I can understand. If none of the rest of you who keep coming back can respond, I may as well shut down.

Yeah, I throw quizzes and bullshit out to you. I won't keep this alive for that. My core subject has to matter to somebody. If not, this whole experiment dies. (Hint, this even calls to the lurkers. If you enjoy reading but have nothing to say, speak up. I am serious. This blog faces imminent death without demonstration of usefulness.)

Not I am going to try going to bed. In the mean time, and off topic: Thanks to stat counter, I know that my Buffalo State regular is either someone related by marriage or someone who knows him. You gave your direct association with this relative of mine (if you aren't him) via google search. Help a troubled mind out and just tell me who you are. I don't care about the foreign countries or other states that pop up otherwise, but you are the only regular that I can't identify. Tell the appropriate person, or tell me out here who you are. You are driving me crazy.

I think that is the end of my rant. Rant though it is, I hope it is taken seriously. That is all, and that is life, or something close to it.

Statcounter Fun

I saw on my stat counter that at two different points people came to my site doing a search for my wife's maiden name. I presume they were people who know her family looking for stories about her father. Oddly, it hit on my site due to a post nearly a year ago, announcing the birth of my niece. If they were looking for the story, they undoubtedly saw it too, since the first two sites were referencing it.

What I found particularly interesting was that most of her family members from our immediate area popped up in the search for one reason or another. (Not including her.) As such, I would like to see if I can add the rest of them: Martha Alscheff Graves, Elizabeth Alscheff, Roseanne Alscheff, Jennifer Alscheff, Carl Alscheff, Diamon Alscheff. That should work to include everyone.

Also, the other google search that hit on my site was a search for another last name, the one given by one of the anonymous mouthy commentors that MC got in an argument with back on my Never-Ending story post.

There is my own little observation of life, or something close to it.

And, Of Course, A Quiz

What animal am I? Well, according to this quiz:

You Are A: Bear Cub!

bear cubBears are strong and independent creatures who roam in the forest in search of food. Bears are usually gentle, but anger one and be prepared for their full fury! You won't back down from a fight, you have a bit of a temper -- classic attributes of a bear. Intelligent and resourceful, though lazy at times, you are a fascinating creature of the wild.

You were almost a: Groundhog or a Monkey
You are least like a: Chipmunk or a ParakeetWhat Cute Animal Are You?


Of course, I think the whole thing started as a misnomer, since the question was "What cute animal are you?"

Well, I guess that is the fury side of life, or something close to it.

Blessing Moon

A slight delay on the on the moon information, as it didn't occur to me yesterday to post it in time, being on the overnight schedule this week.

The Blessing Moon rose over Rochester at 9:09pm EDT July 10, and will set at 5:45am on July 11. It became full at 11:01pm EDT.

In Farmington, NM, it rose at 08:50pm Mountain Daylight Time July 10, and will set at 6:19am July 11. It became full at 9:01 pm Mountain Daylight Time.

The Blessing Moon is a time to both count your blessings and give them. It is the summer time, a time of good weather and good fortune. This is a time to be thankful for the blessings in your life, as well as to focus on the growth and well being of those around you. This is a time to focus less on requests for specific things from the Goddess, and more on the request that She simply grace us with Her presence and in Her wisdom, grant us what we need.

The next Sabbatt will be Lughnassadh, on August 1. Details on the Sabbatt will be posted that day.

Note: The information below based on EDT.
The Last Quarter of the moon will be July 17, at 3:13pm
The New Moon will be July 25, at 12:31am.
The First Quarter will be August 2nd, at 4:46am
The Full Moon will be August 9th, at 6:53am

I do apologize for the time being off in my last post on the moons as to what time the full moon would be tonight. I can't promise that I will never make such an error in calculation again. I am only human, and that is life, or something close to it.

Things You Find While Wandering

Sojourner posed an interesting question, and got this fairly well thought out response. As I said over there, this touches on something I might address at some point in the near future, but for now, I thought I would share their thoughts with you.

Elsewhere, Rainbowind has an interesting article on Personal Mythology.

A wonderful reflection on Independence day was posted here. (As well as a prime example of what happens when idiots are allowed to comment on posts.)

Just some philosophizing about life, or something close to it.

Monday, July 10, 2006

The White Wolf Questions The Wiccans

In all fairness, given the (brief) blasting of my take on Christian principles, which none of you who identify with this belief system felt worthy of comment, I should also address the faults I found with the Wiccan path. While on this subject I have no drive to play fair (in the context of this expository writing) you folks luck out, as I can't continue on the route of this essay without addressing it anyway.

So, let's delve into some of the last whys that got me to the where that some of you have been waiting for. Forgive me if I jump around, but this hasn't always been a cohesive narrative to begin with, and the closer to now I get, the less cohesive it is likely to be.

While you Christians failed to react to my attack on you (or more accurately, my attacks on your faith as I understood it) I hope that any questions you have as to what I am referring to are asked so that I can clarify. I am approaching this somewhat from and insider's point of view, so some such questions may be required from any of you who are not "inside", as well as some of you who may be, for better clarification.

My first issue is with the "build your own religion" phenomenon. Not that I take issue with those who follow a non-mainstream religion. If I did I would war with myself. No, my issue isn't with those who follow their own path. It is with those who say that the perameters of your religion can be whatever you want them to be. I understand that it is a razor's edge that I am walking on, so let me attempt to define the difference.**

The difference resides somewhat in the espousing of the theory. Espousing that religion and God are whatever you make of them. To me, this frequently spouted mantra has always screamed of atheism. A timid atheism, but atheism just the same. "I don't believe in God, but I refuse not to believe in God, so I will make one up and let anyone else do the same." It seems to me that if God is whatever you want Him/Her to be, then God isn't. God is just your imaginary friend. This isn't to deny that God has different aspects and different, yet equally valid approaches, but somewhere within there has to be a constant. Otherwise worship of Him/Her is pointless.

Yes there are many paths to walk, but the moment you state to me that whatever path you walk is right, without limitations, I see that you are an atheist who is afraid to admit it.

The second problem I had wasn't with the Wiccan path necessarily as much as with general interpretation. Specifically in regards to the Rede. Within and without the Wiccan path this has often been misinterpreted.

The Rede, even within itself, focuses on the last eight words, (for those of you who are semi-informed and didn't follow the above link, the last eight words do not comprise the entire Rede) "And it harm none, do as you will." Still, the words are the most important, and the require more thought than most give them.

First of all, if that line is what grabs you and leads you to a Goddess path, read the whole line. It doesn't say "do as you will", it say "And it harm none, do as you will." We've been attacked as lacking morals by those who read only the last four words. Many fluffbunnies flock to us declaring that any god that says "do whatever you want" is alright by them. The problem is that those first four words are there.

Of course some play semantics with those first four words anyway. Because surely She can't mean "none" in an all inclusive (bugs, germs, etc...) manner. That would be impossible. Surely She doesn't demand the impossible? Of course not.

Some even then take this and proceed to compartmentalize beyond just limiting to humans to reference something as minimal as "If in doing so you do no noticeable, tangible physical damage to a human who is not yourself, do as you will." Not as poetic is it?

If you take it to this extreme I have to ask: Do you believe the Goddess rewards you for being stupid and/or unobservant? Because if your moral directive is limited to whether or not you know damage has been caused, the less intelligent and less observant you are, the more you can get away with. (If you want to raise questions about it, I can resolve mental handicaps with the above. Ask and you shall receive.)

Anything short of getting away with it because you don't know any better requires deeper consideration of the ramifications beyond those eight words. Because you can't live your life without doing harm, no matter how you define it, short of the line that removes any connection to moral edict. As such, any impact on moral conduct requires dissection of the eight written words in regards to what would be communicated here.

What intention lies within these words? If it harm none, do as you will. This indicates that She has a purpose behind Her rules, and what that is is even somewhat indicated here. There are no arbitrary edicts. No list of ten or more rules to live by, but rather what is at the core of those rules. She loves all of Her creations, and wants them to live their lives and enjoy them to the fullest, provided that doesn't harm Her other children.

As such, looking at this, we have to look at the other side of the coin. We addressed what happens if it harm none. Now what if there will be harm? (I realize the edict implies avoidance of this, I mean "will" as in there is no avoiding it.) This is the first of the dangerous unwritten lines in association with the written eight. Don't call me on the carpet over this if you don't at least read the explanation that follows it. As I have implied, this would not be written down in Wicca 101 for good reason: If harm will be done, harm as you will.

As I pointed out, the first requirement in regards to this is that harm is in fact unavoidable, at least by your own action. Second, this does not imply an abandon of Her desire for balance, and Her concern for the welfare of Her children. This is somewhat of a pre-emptive eye-for-an-eye philosophy. My most common example is a convenient store robbery. If someone is going to get shot, and you have the ability to make it the robber instead of you, feel free to do so. This is murky ground, but fortunately ties in with the third line.

Now we turn the coin on its side and take into account the rim. The more common ground than the previous two: If harm will not be done, harm with caution. This is made clear by the previous two. The edict is don't, so bear that in mind. Still, there are many greater good scenarios, and just common sense in regards to life. In my convenient store robbery example the truth is, you can never be sure if he is going to pull the trigger until he does. This is where most of our moral responsibility comes into play. Through regular communion with Her, and with others who walk our path, we come to understand Her. Then in every moment in our life we are bound to put that understanding to use.

There are few absolutes in life. We have no "Thou shalt nots" because there are points when that rule wouldn't stand. We also don't have freedom to do as we wish. We must consider Her in all things and do our best to be stewards of Her creation.

I am sorry, fluffbunnies, but this Rede doesn't provide the easy way out. Quite the opposite. This one requires you to continually think.

My third issue was with spellcraft. Again not because of the action itself, but the people in association with it. Few could sufficiently explain how it worked or when it worked. Much attention is paid to the rituals and the details of precisely how to make it work, and nothing evidenced to show that it actually does. I don't disbelieve in spellcrafting. I do find it hard to believe that nobody seems to be able to state what it really is. At least not within the Wiccan path. Wiccans as a whole, no matter how enlightened overall, seem hell bent on insisting that certain spells, rituals and etc... work and are solidly against explanation as to what the practice really is. Outside of Wicca, you will find many who are willing to more accurately apply what is going on. Prayer. All of your focusing of your energy and concentration isn't bringing out your inner sorcerer. It is bringing you in touch with Her, and allowing you to address your concerns with her.

Ultimately, in studying these individual components and many like them, I came to find that few Wiccans, and many Pagans had answers to these kinds of questions. In exasperation I began sifting through the mounds of fluffbunnies to find the few true Wiccans who knew what was going on. I found in virtually every case the same phrase, or something similar. "I say I am Wiccan because it is something that people can easily identify with. The truth is a little more complicated." It seemed everyone was a Pagan with Wiccan leanings, or an Eclectic Pagan that called themselves Wiccan to save themselves a lengthy explanation. The only ones who didn't clarify what they were beyond Wiccan were the fluffbunnies. It seemed more and more like Wicca was a common watering hole along the paths that many of us were walking, rather than a path that anybody could actually take and stick to.

So where did I end up after that watering hole? The path of the White Wolf. What is that? Something that I will finally begin to explain. Next time.

**Edited 7/11/06 01:41 EST: Sojourner also just addressed this issue and provided a link to a Witches Voice article on the same, both are worth looking at.

My Potentially Lengthy Overnight Post

I was wandering around and found this quiz on a blog I checked in on, and being an addict, couldn't help but take it. So here it is:

You scored as Inner spiritual experience. You see the Kingdom of God as being mostly an inner spiritual relationship with God. The heart of the Gospel is John 3:16, but you shouldn't forget 1 John 3:16!

Inner spiritual experience

100%

The Kingdom as a counter-system

67%

The Kingdom as Earthly Utopia

42%

The Kingdom is mystical communion

33%

Kingdom as a Christianised Society

33%

The Kingdom is a Future Hope

0%

The Kingdom as Institutional Church

0%

The Kingdom as a political state

0%

What is the Kingdom of God?
created with QuizFarm.com
.

In case any of you are curious, John 3:16 reads: "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." and 1 John 3:16 reads: "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers." Not sure exactly how to relate that to the advice this quiz is giving me, but there it is.

There's my "Kingdom of God" ranking. Sure to have an impact on my life, or something close to it.