A Wiccan White Wolf (Say that three times fast)
So I had come to a conclusion. Or, perhaps more accurately, I had come to a definitive area for exploration. In the coming weeks, much like this friend of Martha's, I began acquiring information on Wicca, the primary Goddess worship I was familiar with. Unlike her, I had a tendency to read the materials I acquired.
Initially I just shoveled in all of the information I could about the beliefs, practices, rituals, practitioners etc... of this religion. Organizing it as best as I could while I was at it. Unfortunately I soon found, particularly on the internet, that the material available was often contradictory or just plain foolish. I needed a way to validate my sources. To determine which was right and which wasn't. If I was going to find spiritual answers, I was going to have to have a way in which I would know what I had found once I had. There seemed no obvious way to do this, though. Much as the books and materials available to me through the churches, these books and materials weren't helping much either. The reason for this was relatively obvious. This wasn't an academic question. It was a question of faith. I needed spiritual guidance.
Around this point of aimless wandering in my journey, I came to hear of a Pagan shop in my neighborhood. I decided to make my way down to see what kind of shop this was. Whether they were simply selling love potions and tarot readings or whether there was something deeper beneath it all.
When I wandered into the shop for the first time, a customer was just leaving, so it was just me and the woman behind the counter. We will call her "Erin". As it turns out, she owned the shop, and was the primary worker there. After perusing the various items in the store, including the extensive collection of herbs and powders, I told her that I was pleasantly surprised to find that she had a decent collection of useful items, having expected a much less serious shop. She responded by asking me how long I had been reading the tarot.
I was somewhat amused by this, wondering if it was a common greeting of sorts, and admitted that I owned a deck, but aside from studying the meanings of the cards and getting a feel for them, I had done nothing with them at all. No readings, except two I did with book in hand for a friend and my wife.
She gestured to the table and said that I should do a reading for her. Just for practice. For amusement. I pulled the cards out of my pocket, where the reside most of the time (and sometimes leave a discernible impression, depending on how my coat is hanging, just to ruin the mystique of the initial encounter a little), and I sat down to give her a reading.
It was from her in the coming months that I became better at reading. From watching her, discussing with her. Not only did I learn about tarot from her, but a number of other things as well. Mostly practical things, dealing with herbs, making scented oils, etc..., but a number of other things as well. I came to practically live at the shop, even running the register and doing readings. The latter being the only part I was actually paid for. I came to know her rather well, as well as some of the other readers, teachers and practitioners that frequented the location. I still miss hanging out there, although I get a little ahead of myself in mentioning that.
It was this woman who first brought me into a coven. Through this experience she opened my eyes in more ways than one. This coven taught lessons of what is right, and of what is wrong. I still hold what happened within that coven sacred, so all I will say is that ultimately, the coven dissolved, and the store closed its doors. Most of the members of that coven don't talk to the other members at all, and I don't think any of us know what happened to "Erin". Still it was an eye opening experience, and I agreed with many of the other members that for the time being, I would not be involved in any coven again. (I am not stating here that they are bad things, I have worked with several that are wonderful. Just that an element of trust is necessary that is not easily achieved.)
One off shoot of this situation is that one of the coven members did stay in contact with me for some time. She clung to me when the rest of the environment collapsed around her. I had offered advice to people, spoken of that which I believed in, and etc... in the past months, but that was always with the safety net of the High Priestess behind me. Now, I was expected to have the right answers on my own. This put me back on course of how to make sure that I had the right answers to give.
Now I spent much time in meditation. Much time in studying what I saw around me. I followed the "lesson plans" in books I had acquired to see where I would end up. Sometimes I just threw them aside and decided that there was nothing for me there. I spent much time staring at my tattoo and wondering what I was missing there. I couldn't figure it out. Something was important.
Of course, what could be so spiritually pivotal about that tattoo, when I was the one who designed it and I was still looking for answers?
And the wind says, "Well, now. Let's think about that question..."
Initially I just shoveled in all of the information I could about the beliefs, practices, rituals, practitioners etc... of this religion. Organizing it as best as I could while I was at it. Unfortunately I soon found, particularly on the internet, that the material available was often contradictory or just plain foolish. I needed a way to validate my sources. To determine which was right and which wasn't. If I was going to find spiritual answers, I was going to have to have a way in which I would know what I had found once I had. There seemed no obvious way to do this, though. Much as the books and materials available to me through the churches, these books and materials weren't helping much either. The reason for this was relatively obvious. This wasn't an academic question. It was a question of faith. I needed spiritual guidance.
Around this point of aimless wandering in my journey, I came to hear of a Pagan shop in my neighborhood. I decided to make my way down to see what kind of shop this was. Whether they were simply selling love potions and tarot readings or whether there was something deeper beneath it all.
When I wandered into the shop for the first time, a customer was just leaving, so it was just me and the woman behind the counter. We will call her "Erin". As it turns out, she owned the shop, and was the primary worker there. After perusing the various items in the store, including the extensive collection of herbs and powders, I told her that I was pleasantly surprised to find that she had a decent collection of useful items, having expected a much less serious shop. She responded by asking me how long I had been reading the tarot.
I was somewhat amused by this, wondering if it was a common greeting of sorts, and admitted that I owned a deck, but aside from studying the meanings of the cards and getting a feel for them, I had done nothing with them at all. No readings, except two I did with book in hand for a friend and my wife.
She gestured to the table and said that I should do a reading for her. Just for practice. For amusement. I pulled the cards out of my pocket, where the reside most of the time (and sometimes leave a discernible impression, depending on how my coat is hanging, just to ruin the mystique of the initial encounter a little), and I sat down to give her a reading.
It was from her in the coming months that I became better at reading. From watching her, discussing with her. Not only did I learn about tarot from her, but a number of other things as well. Mostly practical things, dealing with herbs, making scented oils, etc..., but a number of other things as well. I came to practically live at the shop, even running the register and doing readings. The latter being the only part I was actually paid for. I came to know her rather well, as well as some of the other readers, teachers and practitioners that frequented the location. I still miss hanging out there, although I get a little ahead of myself in mentioning that.
It was this woman who first brought me into a coven. Through this experience she opened my eyes in more ways than one. This coven taught lessons of what is right, and of what is wrong. I still hold what happened within that coven sacred, so all I will say is that ultimately, the coven dissolved, and the store closed its doors. Most of the members of that coven don't talk to the other members at all, and I don't think any of us know what happened to "Erin". Still it was an eye opening experience, and I agreed with many of the other members that for the time being, I would not be involved in any coven again. (I am not stating here that they are bad things, I have worked with several that are wonderful. Just that an element of trust is necessary that is not easily achieved.)
One off shoot of this situation is that one of the coven members did stay in contact with me for some time. She clung to me when the rest of the environment collapsed around her. I had offered advice to people, spoken of that which I believed in, and etc... in the past months, but that was always with the safety net of the High Priestess behind me. Now, I was expected to have the right answers on my own. This put me back on course of how to make sure that I had the right answers to give.
Now I spent much time in meditation. Much time in studying what I saw around me. I followed the "lesson plans" in books I had acquired to see where I would end up. Sometimes I just threw them aside and decided that there was nothing for me there. I spent much time staring at my tattoo and wondering what I was missing there. I couldn't figure it out. Something was important.
Of course, what could be so spiritually pivotal about that tattoo, when I was the one who designed it and I was still looking for answers?
And the wind says, "Well, now. Let's think about that question..."
posted by Wanderer at 9:54 PM
10 Comments:
I can't believe I haven't been in ANY of these yet.
I have to believe somewhere in my heart that at least one of the hundred thousand words we've exchanged on the subject in the past ten years was somehow relevant to something.
Incidentally, if you ever call a preflop raise with 2 3 and the flop is 2 2 3, and you check, and a guy bets all in for $445...
DON'T GET SO EXCITED YOU CLICK THE FIRST BUTTON YOU SEE CAUSE IT MIGHT BE THE FOLD BUTTON.
I had him covered too, so I'd have gotten it all.
Things like this are what make me want to do it.
More than one of those hundred thousand words have been relevant. I haven't brought your input up as of yet because you frequently enough provide your position to what I am writing in the comment area. I wasn't sure whether or not you would approve of me adding those discussions here. Particularly since, thus far, I am a few years in the past in this story, and would hate to misquote you.
That and the fact that in some areas each of us has changed our position slightly from time to time leads me to assume you would prefer bringing up what your thoughts are now rather than me flashing back to those conversations.
Yeah but it makes me feel left out and unimportant when "Erin" gets to be in the story and I don't.
Don't fear misquoting me, I'll correct you in a definitively non-contrary way if it's necessary and I think everyone realizes my positions were far more extreme when I was a kid.
I will bear that in mind as I continue. In truth, I have actually noticed that one or two points have left you conspicuously missing already.
There's been a few things I deigned to comment on because I thought they might be disruptive and I remember you clearly indicating that the White Wolf posts were not an invitation for debate.
Plus the only things I can think of off-hand weren't constructive and mostly just I-told-you-so's.
Unless you had something specific in mind I'm forgetting, perhaps the wooden house or the euchre game or how retarded "Erin" is or something, which all fall into the previous paragraph's bracket.
Actually, the wooden house came to mind. The euchre game hadn't, and I suspect that you are thinking "Erin" is somebody else.
("Erin" never came to our barbecues, I suspect you are thinking of the individual I referred to at the end.)
Did "Erin" ever use you to trick me into helping her move and not know her own back was broken for 18 months despite all the information from the spirit realm to which she was privy, cause that's who I was thinking of.
I know that's who you are thinking of, and no, that wasn't "Erin"
Hello. I'm kinda just new and browsing around. Mom would kill me if she found out about this. Anyway, if possible, i don't really want to learn about spells or anything (i'm pentacostal)i just want to learn. I'm 16, and right now i just want to fill my head with a lot of information. My Pack (not a coven) has issues. One we have an Empath who's very sick, two my freinds say they destroyed an organization (that lead) in the Astral. The ones that kept tabs on people who were involved with magic (icluding me). 3, our Alpha female didn't seem intrested in teaching me. The thing is she expects me to as. I really don't know what to ask. I don't know maybe i'm an idiot that just probably got some crap mixed up. All I ask is just tell me about this stuff, i'm just so drawn to it. I know only a little. Like Barriers, mind barricades, freaky personalities that live in your head, Spirit beasts, and thats it. I'm just probably confused and my Pack is so washed up this year, i can't really ask anything from them. All i know is that i just wanna learn,i'll even tell you more just whoever did this blog or whaterver please e-mail me at MARIENIXZA@aol.com (Exactly capitolized). Please i just somehow feel desperate to fill up this empty void of knowledge that lives in my freaken head! oh and i'm a girl. If you feel uncomfortable justdon't email or find some one else that can help me. Thank you.
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