The Heart of a Warrior
As some of the readers know, when my previous employment concluded, I decided to go for my dream of doing the only thing I've ever really wanted to do with myself and become a professional gambler.
I have had drastically varying success; some weeks I've made more than $2,000. Other weeks I had to sell stuff for food. However, as long as I can keep doing this, I believe that I will become better and more reliable with additional experience. This, however, is only tangential and used as a segue to the point of my post.
When I lost $2,200 in one night a few weeks ago, I was quite jarred. Not only is that a very stiff loss financially, but it undermined my confidence in my ability to play poker; it was the first loss I'd had in a month of playing for a living. For a moment it felt like the sky was falling. What would I do if I lost again? Am I really a fish? How am I going to get that money back? I felt so drained that I let these foolish thoughts slip past my normal mental defenses, but I quickly recovered and steeled up. I remembered that my best talent is reaction to duress. Recovery after disaster and response to emergency are two abilities of the sharp mind, mourning and panic two traits of the dull mind. Here we creep closer to my point.
Though one of my huge pet peeves is the abandonment of the correct denotation of words, I would be remiss to point out that the connotations of words can vary widely from person to person, as can many other perceptions. For instance, we all have a different image of what a "warrior" is. Some may think of a loin-clothed savage with a stone axe, some might think of a silk kimono'd samurai deep in meditation, and yet others may first think of a professional basketball player from San Francisco. When I think of that word, I think of someone who displays complete stoicism and calm, rational response to emergencies or disasters. And it is this hypothetical warrior upon whom I have tried to model myself, and it is upon the strength of this same warrior that I try to help others draw.
Regarding the $2,200 loss, if I were to be this warrior, I would not lose direction. I would take some time to make sure my head was in the proper place, gather more money, and go back in with the confidence that my game was above the level of those whose money I hope to take. I realize that one stiff loss does not counteract the huge gains I'd made before, which I was sure to make again. I'd realize there is knowledge and wisdom to be gained from the loss, and to be incorporated in my game from then on to make sure it was not repeated. I will not mourn my money, nor will I make a melodramatic production from my loss to garner wasteful sympathy.
It is these traits that make up this warrior I so admire. Someone who does not relent in the face of adversity. Someone who has the calmness, rationality, and presence of mind to react in the most productive way. Someone whose emotions do not betray him, and do not cause others to perceive him as weak, childish, and effeminate. But most of all, someone who can bear the burden they are saddled with, without complaint or anguish. Someone who fails neither in heated calamitous moments, nor, more importantly, in slow, long, costly, painful paths from which he can not or may not deviate. I submit that the latter is much harder; like ripping off a band-aid, losing it all in a moment has a way of dulling the pain that would, over time, mount on you like straws on the figurative camel's back until you resort to the weak-minded, inferior response of despair.
I write all this, Wanderer, because out of all the people I know, I respect you in this way most of all. The events of the past few days have put you on a path you can not avoid, and on this journey you must not complain. You must not fail. You must not lose that steel which holds us upright against the blazing wind of our futures. You must not lose hope in the hardship through which you must go. You must have the heart to stand up forthright against the difficulties before you. And I, too, will have that heart, and though there is a stark difference between the battles I face and the campaign you have embarked on, I'll be there for you.
Stoicism, as I mean it, says only that one does not display the emotions associated with weakness and failure. I see nowhere in the meaning that insinuates no help ever be useful. No one of those marines on Iwo Jima would have had the stength to raise that flag by themselves; and I offer that immortal image as a symbol of the relationship I offer you.
You can do this, Wanderer. You have the heart of a warrior.
I have had drastically varying success; some weeks I've made more than $2,000. Other weeks I had to sell stuff for food. However, as long as I can keep doing this, I believe that I will become better and more reliable with additional experience. This, however, is only tangential and used as a segue to the point of my post.
When I lost $2,200 in one night a few weeks ago, I was quite jarred. Not only is that a very stiff loss financially, but it undermined my confidence in my ability to play poker; it was the first loss I'd had in a month of playing for a living. For a moment it felt like the sky was falling. What would I do if I lost again? Am I really a fish? How am I going to get that money back? I felt so drained that I let these foolish thoughts slip past my normal mental defenses, but I quickly recovered and steeled up. I remembered that my best talent is reaction to duress. Recovery after disaster and response to emergency are two abilities of the sharp mind, mourning and panic two traits of the dull mind. Here we creep closer to my point.
Though one of my huge pet peeves is the abandonment of the correct denotation of words, I would be remiss to point out that the connotations of words can vary widely from person to person, as can many other perceptions. For instance, we all have a different image of what a "warrior" is. Some may think of a loin-clothed savage with a stone axe, some might think of a silk kimono'd samurai deep in meditation, and yet others may first think of a professional basketball player from San Francisco. When I think of that word, I think of someone who displays complete stoicism and calm, rational response to emergencies or disasters. And it is this hypothetical warrior upon whom I have tried to model myself, and it is upon the strength of this same warrior that I try to help others draw.
Regarding the $2,200 loss, if I were to be this warrior, I would not lose direction. I would take some time to make sure my head was in the proper place, gather more money, and go back in with the confidence that my game was above the level of those whose money I hope to take. I realize that one stiff loss does not counteract the huge gains I'd made before, which I was sure to make again. I'd realize there is knowledge and wisdom to be gained from the loss, and to be incorporated in my game from then on to make sure it was not repeated. I will not mourn my money, nor will I make a melodramatic production from my loss to garner wasteful sympathy.
It is these traits that make up this warrior I so admire. Someone who does not relent in the face of adversity. Someone who has the calmness, rationality, and presence of mind to react in the most productive way. Someone whose emotions do not betray him, and do not cause others to perceive him as weak, childish, and effeminate. But most of all, someone who can bear the burden they are saddled with, without complaint or anguish. Someone who fails neither in heated calamitous moments, nor, more importantly, in slow, long, costly, painful paths from which he can not or may not deviate. I submit that the latter is much harder; like ripping off a band-aid, losing it all in a moment has a way of dulling the pain that would, over time, mount on you like straws on the figurative camel's back until you resort to the weak-minded, inferior response of despair.
I write all this, Wanderer, because out of all the people I know, I respect you in this way most of all. The events of the past few days have put you on a path you can not avoid, and on this journey you must not complain. You must not fail. You must not lose that steel which holds us upright against the blazing wind of our futures. You must not lose hope in the hardship through which you must go. You must have the heart to stand up forthright against the difficulties before you. And I, too, will have that heart, and though there is a stark difference between the battles I face and the campaign you have embarked on, I'll be there for you.
Stoicism, as I mean it, says only that one does not display the emotions associated with weakness and failure. I see nowhere in the meaning that insinuates no help ever be useful. No one of those marines on Iwo Jima would have had the stength to raise that flag by themselves; and I offer that immortal image as a symbol of the relationship I offer you.
You can do this, Wanderer. You have the heart of a warrior.
posted by Hegemon at 8:15 PM
4 Comments:
i agree that Wanderer has the heart of a warrior, and i actually, greatly appreicated MC's posting. infact, if he promises not to be offended...heck, I don't care if he is offended, I have to say it anyway...
Amen!
MC - I don't know what to say. More accurately, I don't know where to begin saying it. I think, for the time being I will have to rely on the certainty that you will know, without the need of me having to put it into words here.
Mc - well said. You have an insightful heart.
Beautiful post. Well done.
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