Lessons Unlearned

Here is the article I referenced below. This is also the article that inspired the artwork that went with it that is also now the tattoo I wear on my back:

Standing in the field, on the edge of the sea, she knows that she is alone. Except for the companion at her side, and the elements around her. These same elements that surround a million other people, each as certain that they are also alone.

She prepares once more for the dance, wondering if anyone will join her. It has been so long, that she wonders if she should just stop dancing altogether. She knows that she won’t, but even she is not immune to the effects of isolation.

The full moon rises and shines on her. It is her. Shining on herself and calling to the world once more. “I am here, and the dance is about to begin. Who will join me?”
The wind picks up around her, rustling the grass. It is as if the very air says, “We are alone again. Many watch, but none will come.”

Raising the bowl over her head, she stares up at the sky, at the moon reflecting her beauty. Flames stir and rise out of the vessel and arch to the sky. Her companion stirs and raises his head. Watching with interest, as he always does, as the flames reflect and dance across her face, highlighting the raven-tressed beauty that he has followed here countless times.
She looks down at the white wolf at her feet as he sits up to watch her. “Are you more loyal because you are here, friend?” She asked him. “Or more the fool because you follow so closely and will not dance with me?”

The wolf continued to stare as she returned her gaze to the sky. He didn’t know the answer. He hadn’t known it when they last met on a night like this, or the time before. The question was the same. The silence was the same.

On cue, the wind whipped up around them. He felt it ruffling his fur and watched the tall grass sway back and forth. He knew this was not a natural wind. Even if he had not known that she called it, he would have seen. The grass danced around her, as if to some unheard tune. It didn’t dance to a song unheard, though, it danced in anticipation of the song.
Her silver tunic whipped around her as well. At points, in such a frenzy that it seemed that it would tear right off of her body. Yet he knew it would not. The wind merely played with her, dancing with joy as the celebration was beginning.

The flames whipped and crackled. Reaching for the sky, they were prepared to consume the world. The first time, the wolf had been scared. Now he knew they would not. They also played. They teased and told her that they could destroy everything that she loved, yet they both knew that at least on this night, the flames would stay their hand.

The wolf could feel the excitement tugging at his bones. The waves joined in the chorus now, slapping against the earth in joyous anticipation of what was to come. The wolf, her companion, could not understand why none answered her call again this night. Many stood in solitude and stared, trying to get a glimpse inside a party to which they were invited, but would not come. He could not comprehend how any could stay away.

The fury of the elements reached a crescendo, and then began to calm. The wind now caressed her. The hem of her skirt swaying in the breeze, in time with the golden cord at her waist. He saw her toes caressing the bared earth at her feet, as the wind gently drifted across the breast that had escaped her tunic during its earlier exertions. She looked up as she tilted the bowl slightly. The water poured down over her body, as the flames framed her face and brought a glow to the pale features that defined beauty and grace.

This was the part that always bothered the wolf, and tonight was no exception. Nor was he surprised as she turned her gaze on him. He saw the flames reflecting off of her glistening countenance. He saw the triple moon on her forehead, and wondered why he hadn’t seen it earlier in the evening. He remembered thinking this last time.

“Are you jealous, my companion, that they pay their respects to me?” The wolf does not answer, but simply lowers his head. He knows what she will say next. “You have also been invited. You came, but you did not dance, yet still you are invited on this night. You need only step forward.”
Every cell in his body wants to do just that, but he doesn’t. He stands his ground. She laughs at him and places her hand on top of his head, lowering the bowl in her other arm.

“You know, now, what you know every time. Still I don’t understand you. You know me, and you loyally follow me, yet you will not dance. Should I rate you better because you come that far? Or should I rate you a fool because you won’t do any more?

“Out there, they offer their burden and their pain up to me, and expect me to take them. Yet I will not. I will share and nothing more. You want me to offer my burdens and pain up to you, and not share them. I will no more do this than the other.”

Her face grew dark and she stared down at him sternly. “You of all don’t cower under my darkest of gazes. Why don’t you dance?”

Knowing the point has come, the wolf fights against his own body as it turns and walks away, leaving her to finish her celebration alone. “Why do you come so close and then leave? You who understand what I want, when so few listen? Why do you abandon me now?”

He knows he has no answer to give her. He knows that with all of his desire, he can’t turn around. He wishes he knew why, and how he could fix it. He suspects she does. He knows she won’t share.

Her voice once more is a memory. “There is nothing without. Why don’t you come all the way in?”

Twenty eight days. Twenty eight to find the answer before he joins her again, and nothing changes. -- Steve

There you have it. A small glimpse into my life or something close to it.