Maiden, Mother and Crone

When I got out of work today my parents and Emily waited outside. We were going directly from work to Syracuse to have dinner with and spend time with my paternal grandmother. It was a decent trip, the ride out giving me just about enough time to finish reading The Davinci Code. The last pages I finished out there. I couldn't exactly just stop.

This was the first time that my grandmother got the opportunity to see Emily. This was actually a large portion of the reason why we went out there to begin with. It was a great time to spend with the portion of my family that I don't see very often. Two of my aunts and one of my uncles stopped in as well. It is sad to say that the only reason they came by was to see Emily. Not that I don't understand how people want to see new babies, but I am saddened to know that my own presence would not have initiated a desire for my extended family to stop by and visit.

We got a couple of pictures of my grandmother with Emily. At one point my mother stood next to her and my mind wandered to the maid, mother and crone. These three did not exactly exemplify these three stages of womanhood, since my daughter has yet to grow to an age when she might be considered the maid. My mother is also traveling more into the realm of crone than mother. Still it got me to thinking. While there was no real active conversation going on at the time, mostly just the casual talk in reference to new babies, my mind traveled a little further on the aspect of the crone.

I started thinking of numerous conversations I have had with my grandmother in the past, in the light of the traditional role of the crone as the holder of wisdom. In truth, all too frequently I refuse to cast my grandmother in that role. Today I decided to explore it a little.

Now it is obviously a fact that being older than someone does not make one smarter. Yet our elders are the ones who are supposed to teach us. How did they get the role? The answer is relatively simple. Having lived more life than us, they tend to have more experiences to build off of than we do.

If we know that they have been there and done that, why then do we not assume that their is merit in the experiences that they lay out for us? For one, because our generation knows that their experiences were not in fact the same as ours.

One primary thing that keeps people of my generation skeptical about listening to the wisdom of my grandmother's generation is that their experiences are from a time that does not match up with ours. They are also biased by prejudices that don't match up with ours. Some of which we know to be wrong. As such, knowing this state exists, we are much more inclined to discount what our elders say to us, assuming that they don't understand what they are preaching about.

This latter reaction on our part is not completely correct. There are some aspects about our life that match those of previous generations. Some things just don't change. In these areas it is important to listen to our elders and recognize that they may have indeed acquired, at a painful cost, information that we will pay the same cost to learn if we don't listen. There is merit in learning from the mistakes, and the successes of others. Still this does not outweigh the issues of prejudices or topics that didn't apply to their generation. So what do we do?

In my opinion there is only one sensible answer. We treat them like we would any other source of information. Leave our prejudices aside and allow ourselves to measure their experience and in direct relation, reliability on the subject. Recognize where the crones and elders may provide guidance, and where the maidens and warriors are more equipped to blaze the new paths.

With a healthy combination of both, we can all improve our life, or something close to it.