A Bit Of Levity
I will not claim to have been abandoned by the God and the Goddess, for I know this is not true. I will say that they are the only two. I have been abandoned by my family and many of my friends. My family actively, my friends because they fail to attempt to read between the lines. This is undoubtedly my fault. I have failed to present a reason for them to do so.
My daughter is my only family member who hasn't abandoned me. Give her time under the influence of the others and she will. I can't stand on my own. I surely can't stand while holding everyone else, as I spend too much time attempting to.
Once more, my life spins out of control, and nobody notices. The few who notice don't respond. And so the cycle continues. I will destroy myself while others watch, or at the most step close enough to be hurt while I do so.
I am a man, one with strengths and weaknesses. My strengths may have helped many others, but where are they now? Gone. Living their lives with no recognition of me. My strengths don't help me. On the good days they don't chip away at my own supports, but only on the good days. My weaknesses are destroying me. Where are my counterparts? The ones who are supposed to help me in turn? Where is the combination or the repayment? There is none. I have always known this, but it is only occasionally that I get hit so hard by it. Where is my family? Standing on the sidelines expecting me to fix everything and cursing me when I don't. Assistance? Of course not.
Not all, as my sister and cousin have, have acted actively to destroy me. Still, the rest have just stood by and watched, taking pot shots as the opportunity arrives.
Will my family destroy me? Probably not. I undoubtedly will do it much quicker myself. Still they will probably make it more painful.
The only hope I have is my surety that I will always take the most painful route, so I needn't fear any sudden permanent action on my own part. Still. What is there to do? The only part of my life that means anything is my daughter, yet it becomes clear that even she is beyond any help from my corner. My area of assistance is only as a second in command. How do I teach her to command? That I have no idea. In all, perhaps she will be better if I let the world eat me alive. Maybe one of my friends will have enough respect to tell her "heroic stories" about me.
Not that I rely on this. I don't rely on anything anymore. I have no idea what to do anymore. I am not seeking your pity. I am just letting you know. I can't be the strongest one anymore. I've had enough. Not that letting you know matters. One of you is on the other side of the county and barely knows me. One of you is in Virginia or something close, and is only linked by a daughter's name. My family doesn't read this. My friends who do can't help. If my family has abandoned me there is nothing left. I have failed completely, and my friends won't be a substitute.
Lady, you know how hard I have fought for all of your children. You also know why I can't fight for myself. No one else will. For as long as it might last, that's just life, or something close to it.
My daughter is my only family member who hasn't abandoned me. Give her time under the influence of the others and she will. I can't stand on my own. I surely can't stand while holding everyone else, as I spend too much time attempting to.
Once more, my life spins out of control, and nobody notices. The few who notice don't respond. And so the cycle continues. I will destroy myself while others watch, or at the most step close enough to be hurt while I do so.
I am a man, one with strengths and weaknesses. My strengths may have helped many others, but where are they now? Gone. Living their lives with no recognition of me. My strengths don't help me. On the good days they don't chip away at my own supports, but only on the good days. My weaknesses are destroying me. Where are my counterparts? The ones who are supposed to help me in turn? Where is the combination or the repayment? There is none. I have always known this, but it is only occasionally that I get hit so hard by it. Where is my family? Standing on the sidelines expecting me to fix everything and cursing me when I don't. Assistance? Of course not.
Not all, as my sister and cousin have, have acted actively to destroy me. Still, the rest have just stood by and watched, taking pot shots as the opportunity arrives.
Will my family destroy me? Probably not. I undoubtedly will do it much quicker myself. Still they will probably make it more painful.
The only hope I have is my surety that I will always take the most painful route, so I needn't fear any sudden permanent action on my own part. Still. What is there to do? The only part of my life that means anything is my daughter, yet it becomes clear that even she is beyond any help from my corner. My area of assistance is only as a second in command. How do I teach her to command? That I have no idea. In all, perhaps she will be better if I let the world eat me alive. Maybe one of my friends will have enough respect to tell her "heroic stories" about me.
Not that I rely on this. I don't rely on anything anymore. I have no idea what to do anymore. I am not seeking your pity. I am just letting you know. I can't be the strongest one anymore. I've had enough. Not that letting you know matters. One of you is on the other side of the county and barely knows me. One of you is in Virginia or something close, and is only linked by a daughter's name. My family doesn't read this. My friends who do can't help. If my family has abandoned me there is nothing left. I have failed completely, and my friends won't be a substitute.
Lady, you know how hard I have fought for all of your children. You also know why I can't fight for myself. No one else will. For as long as it might last, that's just life, or something close to it.
posted by Wanderer at 6:42 PM
4 Comments:
Seriously, why don't you e-mail me with some specifics... I have been there for you before, haven't I?
Yeah, I don't read between the lines. I can't unless I know there is something between the lines. When I know I'm supposed to be looking for something, I find it. When I don't know anything's there, I miss it.
So let me know what's going on in terms I can understand.
You have great strength!! It took a lot of strength to even put finger to keyboard to post this!!!
You have hit a bump in the road and you WILL get over it!
I have faith in you too!
But you probably shouldn't go TO that light... they don't like us in there.
In a moment of weakness and dark speculation, the very light hinted at becomes obvious. A light, or perhaps two. Welcome KB and Chase, and thank you for your kind thoughts.
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