Aggravating
It is aggravating that nobody has responded on any of the blogs I commented on, leaving me nothing to say now.
It is aggravating that this can bother me when I should be sleeping now and not wandering these blogs.
It is aggravating that I can come to a personal revelation and text it to the person who would best understand (as we had just discussed this) and not get a response beyond "ok."
It is aggravating that I will have no time to talk to a person whom two different people have told me will want to talk to me until Goddess knows when.
It is aggravating that my need for sleep cannot outweigh the certainty that if I call, and if he is awake some wonderful growth might come out of what he wants to say to me.
It is aggravating that I know that doors have been opened that can't be easily closed over a short, impersonal phone conversation were I to call him now or on the way to work.
It is aggravating that I am certain nobody seems to understand the core of me, let alone the little details.
It is aggravating that I am the greatest opposition to this understanding.
It is aggravating that I don't have sufficient capability with human emotion to fix any of the above aggravations, or even have a personal conversation.
It is aggravating that it takes alcohol for me to come out and say this rather than just shut the fuck up and deal as best I can.
It is aggravating that none of this is likely to matter to anyone who reads this.
It is aggravating that I couldn't possibly get drunk enough to state my worst fears to any of those to whom it matters.
It is aggravating that this is just a part of life or something close to it.
It is aggravating that this can bother me when I should be sleeping now and not wandering these blogs.
It is aggravating that I can come to a personal revelation and text it to the person who would best understand (as we had just discussed this) and not get a response beyond "ok."
It is aggravating that I will have no time to talk to a person whom two different people have told me will want to talk to me until Goddess knows when.
It is aggravating that my need for sleep cannot outweigh the certainty that if I call, and if he is awake some wonderful growth might come out of what he wants to say to me.
It is aggravating that I know that doors have been opened that can't be easily closed over a short, impersonal phone conversation were I to call him now or on the way to work.
It is aggravating that I am certain nobody seems to understand the core of me, let alone the little details.
It is aggravating that I am the greatest opposition to this understanding.
It is aggravating that I don't have sufficient capability with human emotion to fix any of the above aggravations, or even have a personal conversation.
It is aggravating that it takes alcohol for me to come out and say this rather than just shut the fuck up and deal as best I can.
It is aggravating that none of this is likely to matter to anyone who reads this.
It is aggravating that I couldn't possibly get drunk enough to state my worst fears to any of those to whom it matters.
It is aggravating that this is just a part of life or something close to it.
posted by Wanderer at 1:50 PM
3 Comments:
It is aggravating that despite me telling you I was there for you ay time a number of times, despite me PROVING it a number of times, that my phone doesn't even ring when you seem to need to talk. You'd think you'd trust me by now.
I do trust you by now, I just should be fucking sleeping. I will call you when I wake up and am taking the long ride to work.
Remember, trusting is easy, imposing is more difficult.
I'm really sorry you're feeling so frustrated. It does matter to me. I just don't know what to do about that.
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