The Little Big Fight, or The Mexican Standoff
Mc again.
I had a few friends over to my house tonight for poker, when the concept of fighting each other came about. Originally, we were deciding odds on a fight between Bib, an early 30s pothead who's small but wiry, a chain smoker who's been in lots of fights and has experience, and Phill, a 21 year old who is very small but fit, and not very experienced but much more energetic. It turns out that Bib's teeth prevent him from fighting right now, as he claims one shot to the jaw would incapacitate him, so that ideas was cancelled.
I still wanted people to fight, though, so I suggested a fight between myself and Mike, a 300 pounder who is vicious and has no qualms about violence. I myself come in around 220 and I am a bit out of shape, but quite muscular and I've been in a lot of fights. Additionally I just got out of the Army and while I was in, I voluntarily took a lot of advanced unarmed combatives courses, mostly in sambo. Also, I really enjoy fighting, so I wanted to fight the biggest, meanest guy there, but he wouldn't do it unless people paid him, and I'm not about to pay someone to fight me when I can call a redneck a queer and get a fight for free, so that was cancelled.
Looking at it logically, the only two people who wanted to fight and were able to was myself and Phill, but the problem is, I'm much, much bigger than Phill and he's afraid of me because of how badly I had beaten him and some other comers (wink) boxing a few years ago. The vetter, Bib, put the odds at 500 to 1 in my favor, so we had to come up with a more realistic handicapping system: my right (dominant) arm was tied behind my back, and the odds were set at 3 to 1 in my favor, but no one was willing to bet on Phill.
So we went out to the back yard under a floodlight, and we squared off, Phill in his 110 pound glory and me with a club (like the card suit) drawn over my fist for morale reasons and my right arm secured behind my back. At fuirst it was pretty standoffish, I would throw a left jab at Phill and he would block, and come back but I'd just bat his hands away.
I formulated the plan of getting my hand at his throat and giving him a leg sweep, but getting my hand around his throat was easier said than done, so I just went with the leg sweep. My sweep landed hard against his right knee, and he came at me, but as I tried to grab him, I wound up just shoving him away. There was a point where I stepped on his foot and tried to use that to hold him in place, but with the snow out it was difficult to pin him down like that either. He got in a good sternum punch, I had a few more kicks to the legs trying to get him on the ground where I could manhandle him. Eventually, there occurred an opportunity to really nail him when he bent forward after my knee to his midsection, and I took a wild uppercut haymaker, which just missed his head by an inch and a half or so by his account. After that, there were some bullcharges, I tried a switch kick which just came into his guard, and we were basically unable to do anything decisive because he was way too small and I only had one hand to work with, so he conceded because my leg sweep attempts were wreaking havoc on his knees. I was pronounced the victor but it felt pretty hollow, because no one would bet against me, and I don't feel like I really won, just because he gave up cause his knees were killing him.
Anyways, the point of the story is, I will fight anyone anytime anywhere for any reason, and in the future Mike and I may fight, we'll sell admission and if he can get enough money that way to motivate him, we'll do it. So that's in the works for the future, and if it occurs, I'm sure Wanderer will be in attendance and either he or I will recount it to you.(life, or something close to it)
I had a few friends over to my house tonight for poker, when the concept of fighting each other came about. Originally, we were deciding odds on a fight between Bib, an early 30s pothead who's small but wiry, a chain smoker who's been in lots of fights and has experience, and Phill, a 21 year old who is very small but fit, and not very experienced but much more energetic. It turns out that Bib's teeth prevent him from fighting right now, as he claims one shot to the jaw would incapacitate him, so that ideas was cancelled.
I still wanted people to fight, though, so I suggested a fight between myself and Mike, a 300 pounder who is vicious and has no qualms about violence. I myself come in around 220 and I am a bit out of shape, but quite muscular and I've been in a lot of fights. Additionally I just got out of the Army and while I was in, I voluntarily took a lot of advanced unarmed combatives courses, mostly in sambo. Also, I really enjoy fighting, so I wanted to fight the biggest, meanest guy there, but he wouldn't do it unless people paid him, and I'm not about to pay someone to fight me when I can call a redneck a queer and get a fight for free, so that was cancelled.
Looking at it logically, the only two people who wanted to fight and were able to was myself and Phill, but the problem is, I'm much, much bigger than Phill and he's afraid of me because of how badly I had beaten him and some other comers (wink) boxing a few years ago. The vetter, Bib, put the odds at 500 to 1 in my favor, so we had to come up with a more realistic handicapping system: my right (dominant) arm was tied behind my back, and the odds were set at 3 to 1 in my favor, but no one was willing to bet on Phill.
So we went out to the back yard under a floodlight, and we squared off, Phill in his 110 pound glory and me with a club (like the card suit) drawn over my fist for morale reasons and my right arm secured behind my back. At fuirst it was pretty standoffish, I would throw a left jab at Phill and he would block, and come back but I'd just bat his hands away.
I formulated the plan of getting my hand at his throat and giving him a leg sweep, but getting my hand around his throat was easier said than done, so I just went with the leg sweep. My sweep landed hard against his right knee, and he came at me, but as I tried to grab him, I wound up just shoving him away. There was a point where I stepped on his foot and tried to use that to hold him in place, but with the snow out it was difficult to pin him down like that either. He got in a good sternum punch, I had a few more kicks to the legs trying to get him on the ground where I could manhandle him. Eventually, there occurred an opportunity to really nail him when he bent forward after my knee to his midsection, and I took a wild uppercut haymaker, which just missed his head by an inch and a half or so by his account. After that, there were some bullcharges, I tried a switch kick which just came into his guard, and we were basically unable to do anything decisive because he was way too small and I only had one hand to work with, so he conceded because my leg sweep attempts were wreaking havoc on his knees. I was pronounced the victor but it felt pretty hollow, because no one would bet against me, and I don't feel like I really won, just because he gave up cause his knees were killing him.
Anyways, the point of the story is, I will fight anyone anytime anywhere for any reason, and in the future Mike and I may fight, we'll sell admission and if he can get enough money that way to motivate him, we'll do it. So that's in the works for the future, and if it occurs, I'm sure Wanderer will be in attendance and either he or I will recount it to you.(life, or something close to it)
posted by Hegemon at 4:12 AM
10 Comments:
to mosquito re: stances: Yeah, that's why us big guys lean forward like that.
to chip re: Bills: Now THAT is a good idea, and I can't believe I never thought of it.
Funny, I tend to try and avoid fights...
MC - I liked your description of the fight. Very entertaining. I sparred quite a bit in class (self-defense/combat, taught by some ex-army trainers) and know what it's like to be in Phill's position - outweighed by a hundred pounds and madly trying to keep all your teeth. I tend to fight a bit dirtier, though - a punch to the throat and a swift kick to the squish later and I'm usually a free man.
Glad to know that fun was had by all in this endeavor. If you and Mike ever do get together I will have to be there. For two reasons. First because that would be quite a sight to see. Second because the two of you are so vicious one might end up dead, and I would hate to not have one last chance hanging out with a friend. In regards to the last, try and make sure Stefan is there too, he might keep you guys alive if alcohol lets you get too out of control.
While I wish I had been there, I do recognize the early work hour problem, so I don't fault you for not inviting me. (This time.)
Thanks for the interestingly detailed account, and welcome Mosquito.
Yeah dude seriously, on the level, the problem is that these things come up at 10 or 11pm (Originally we were just hanging out with Bib to watch football and everything snowballed from there). This particular fight was at four in the morning. So if you have to work at seven... though I do credit you for your manliness in our casino trip that got you home about twenty minutes before you had to be up for the day.
i did not read this post...i will but i'm in a hurry, just wanted to say to Wanderer, that I mentioned him again in one of my comments to Chris...yes we are at it again. perhaps I shoud name my next post the New Mexican Standoff...
and please just click on to Dawn is Coming (linked off my site if anyone cares) cuz the author arthur is whining that he isn't getting so many hits...infact both arts are envious because I am nearing 7000 hits, who are those people and what are they thinking...
JESUS is LORD
(just a word from my sponser)
from an old lady in new mexico
me
Did that smack of "PS Christianity is AWESOME" or is it just me? I don't mean in terms of when I said that "PS Christianity is AWESOME!" was going to be my new synonym for "retarded", I just mean in tone.
If you're arguing with THAT guy again feel free to threaten him with physical violence, I'll back it up.
I think many of us are likely to leave the physical violence to you.
That's exactly what I'm saying.
ok now i'm really worried, i'm starting to like MC...quick, say something that makes me mad...
OK.. how about "Every year I crucify a rabbit and hang it in front of a Sunday school as an Easter Desecration."?
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